I'm sorry you are feeling
low. I'm no psychologist, and in fact I have a lousy track
record for keeping
people alive. But here are a few ideas that come to me. Maybe there's one
you haven't given enough attention to.
Have you considered
being in a group of people struggling with depression? I
know one called Emotions Anonymous. It was started right here in St. Paul. It's like
AA or Alanon but it's just for people who are depressed or anxious or on
the ropes. What's good about it is that you see how normal it is to feel
abnormal -- and you will make some special friends who get you and you
don't have to tiptoe around. I have been in recovery groups for years, and
they really do help you get through the week. And the 12 steps are a
terrific framework for organizing your life.
If you can't find an
EA group nearby, find another 12 step group for which you
are a plausible member -- drinking, drugs, overeating, etc. The specific
problem isn't as important as the collegiality, and getting honest about
the problem.
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Have you played with positive psychology? There's a great everyday shrink named Martin Seligman who I think will win a Nobel some day. He helped invent cognitive therapy, "getting your mind right" with truthful self-assessment. That's a great step. Better yet is positive psychology, which is what your friends will tell you -- "Get happy." This is more than just a command to cheer up, it's a program for building good stuff into each day. It begins with developing gratitude, and talking to yourself about the good stuff going on -- even when there's also a lot of shit. Here's an Amazon link to his book Authentic Happiness.
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Suicide. Are you thinking about it? There are tests you can take to find out how bad off you are. I even have some here on Daniele's website. If you are serious, you need to get your ass down to an ER and say you are seriously suicidal. They will throw a bag over your head for 3 days, then get you into a day program to get your groove back. It doesn't mean you're a spazz, it happens to the most ordinary people. You are under a LOT of life stress with your caregiving, I know it takes a huge toll on your inner grace.
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My wife is a big proponent of something called DBT or dialectical behavioral therapy. It's basically Buddhism in action. It cultivates mindfulness or acceptance of life -- and it is the exact medicine you need when you are feeling despair. It doesn't restore control to your life, but it teaches you how to live with less control.
- Read Thich Nhat
Hanh.
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You need people in your life, a support network. I tell folks who hate God or hate religion to join the Unitarians. They are a good group for people who arer alienated from religion but need something to belong to. It will increase your life expectancy to be part of a positive group. They actually have to be nice to you -- sweet.
- I'm not sure what to say about
therapists and medications. My sense
is that we are still living in the middle ages with regard to treatment
for emotional problems. Whereas we have learned to use a scientific
method with physical illness, we are still bleeding people with leeches
when it comes to mental illness. But if you could find a good
psychologist, or a really good psychiatrist, someone who could
understand you and work with you to get better, that would be a good
thing, Too often, I find in my own experience they are often just going
throuh the notions. Here are some guidelines
for choosing a
therapist.
- If you are really losing it, and want to die -- maybe you have picked out a method, and a place to do it -- then it is time to do something radical. Your local emergency room is a place to start. Tell them you are having suicidal thoughts. Ask them to assign you to a day treatment or partial hospitalization program -- outpatient programs to figure you out and get you on the path to feeling better. The idea is that you are having a really bad day, maybe several bad days in a row -- but that is no excuse to end your life forever.
- Do nice stuff for yourself. Go for walks, buy flowers, eat fresh fruit.
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Dress nice. Don't wear sweat suits. Wear stuff you like, that make you feel good.
- Brush your teeth. It's a good way to show yourself that you respect yourself.
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Laugh every chance you get. It will sound strangled at first but it will come back.
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Have someone you can bitch to, but try to balance it, so they don't head for the hills.
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Don't write poems about your feelings. Write about stuff that is outside you, that strengthens your curiosity. Be a reporter, not an empath.
- Do things you don't feel like doing. Remember, your intuitions suck, so don't fall in love with your comfort zone.
Remember that depression wants you to disrespect yourself, so everything that shows you respect yourself is in your favor.
Go back to the gratitude idea and start there. Every night before you close your eyes think of three pretty good things that happened to that day. Re-appreciate them, and tell yourself your day wasn't a complete waste, not if the chrysanthemums looked good and the sunset was bright on the garage door.
Also, be good. Wickedness will bite you on the ass.
Mike
